Episode 69: Mining in the Sweet Moonlight

(This is the episode script below)

Chapter 1- The Case

Daytime- KFC Lovers- 1:39 PM

I sat in my office, my map spread out over the cartography table. I was at the point where if I'd gotten one more damn missing chicken case I swore I'd get out of this business. The thing was, that even those had dried up. Not a single player in the whole realm needed a private eye these days and the emeralds were running dry. I'd barely been able to pay Mr. Sin Bin rent last month. I was getting desperate. I rested my legs up on the cartography table, my shiny black boots of my lower minecraft skin resting on top. I had black dress pants and my minecraft skin was wearing suspenders with a white dress shirt and black tie. I also had a nice black fedora that I used to take naps. The thing was, my He-Mom had always told me to have a professional-looking skin. She wasn't around at that point but, I'd feel guilty sitting in my Hank Hill skin in my office even if I wasn't getting any work.

"No calls again today, Duke?" I said to my blue-collared wolf sitting down next to me.

He was too old to kill mobs anymore but, I liked having him around. Hell, maybe I was too old to be killing mobs anymore. That's when I heard a knock on the door.

"Whatever your selling, I don't want it" I proclaimed and then put my fedora back on my face.

The door creaked open and I quickly put my hat back on my head while I reached for my gun. In walked one of the most beautiful dames I'd ever seen. Her skin was a regular old gamer gf dreamboat of a sight. She was a twitch thot and for a second I caught myself simping. Her skin had a short pair of purple shorts with a purple vest as a top that showed that blocky cleavage the big shots of the server loved. Her purple hair showed she was just a little zany, but those anime eyes showed a hardness I'd seen too many times in my life. Whoever this girl was, she was probably rich - but not with her money.

"King Kum's Detective Service, what can I do for you?"

"Are you the same King Kum that slayed the Wither of 2016?" She said, looking me up and down.

"That's me."

"Then you're the man I'm looking for."

I already didn't like this. Who was she? What did she want and how desperate was I that I'd need to get it for her?

She continued, "Do you know of a man named YoloSwagDaddy69?"

Of course I knew YoloSwagDaddy69. He was the Colonel. He was the king of chicken. There wasn't a chicken on the server that he didn't have a hand in either breeding, killing or cooking. What did she want me to do with him? He was a well known guy, he lived in the Bucket. Everyone saw him regularly. Really outstanding guy, I'd heard. Some rich bozo, is what I thought of him. Probably got his blocks shifted around from eating too many cooked chicken. Lately in the redstone news he'd been acting kind of funny, he was always sweating all the time and eating chicken like his hunger bar wasn't full all the way. Of course, a man like him had a lot of emeralds.

"Yeah. What's it to ya?"

She looked at me dismissively. "I need you to find him and save him, if you can. He's gone missing".

She threw some photos on the table. It was his place, and it had been wrecked. All the enchanted books had been taken, the water had been taken, the chickens slayed and the mineshaft was cursed. This was not the kind of place the richest man on the server would keep. Something stunk. Plus he was almost certainly already dead.

I threw the pictures back on the table.

"I won't take it, I don't take cases I can't solve!"

The lady sighed and threw 16 diamonds on the table. "The rest of the stack's in it for you if you solve it, and that's just from me."

My eyes scanned the diamonds. The real thing. I was just about crying and suddenly I found a diamond. 16 of them to be precise. I had no choice. My hands were tied.

"Alright fine. I'll take it but, only because you asked so nicely."

She turned and went to leave, her blocky cheeks moving back and forth in those purple shorts.

"By the way, I didn't catch your name," I said before she left.

"Oh, it's Jebbie" she said while turning around and giving me a sly smile.

"Also, another thing before you leave. How exactly did he go missing?" I asked.

"He went mining..."

"So?"

"At night."

End of Chapter 1

Chapter 2- Clue in the Stew

I had some connections within the local police department and they let me see the crime scene. I was in the bucket, the preemo ziggurat of the server. This was the first. The big reveal of the server when it was first built. YoloSwagDaddy69 was the colonel, and he proved it with this. The structure hit the sky limit, as all ziggurats do, and it was made of red and white glass. The glass was arranged to look like a KFC bucket, probably a variety pack if I had to guess. It had a stone path with a minecart track leading all the way up. The top had two waterfalls that led up to the "Divine Pen". Only the elite of the server went into the "Divine Pen", which served as a nightclub in the clouds as well as a chicken pen that served the best chicken on the server.

My contact at the scene was a yellow man that went by "Stu". No one knew what his username actually was so he was a real secretive type. He wore civilian clothes; just a pair of overalls. He had a monocle goggle glass around his one large eye and two black gloves. He had a nice little house in the jungle with an aquarium people gawked at. Very eccentric guy. Really liked bananas.

"Banana" Stu said as soon as I approached the crime scene.

"Yeah yeah, I got your damned fruit" I told him as I passed the banana.

Stu grabbed the banana from my hand and dug into it, munching his way passed the tape line. The other officers kept the villagers at bay. Poor sops worked for the colonel and fed off his scraps. The bastards were stuck in the basement when he went missing. Without the colonel, none of them were getting paid, and neither was I. The place was in shambles as I walked in, the chests were all open, the chickens were thrown around, some of the glass was broken and the water was messed with. The police had set up some ladders to get to the second level and I climbed up to see more chaos. Every chest was ransacked. Someone had taken everything here and left in a hurry. Whether that was YoloSwagDaddy69 or someone else was yet to be seen. Why would he make the place such a mess? He prided himself on this building. At least, that's what the news said.

"You found anything yet Stu?" I asked kind of meekishly.

"Nah. We were hoping you might know something around here. Seems like someone left in a hurry, and someone went and ki-"

A splatter of blood fell on his one haired head. He took it off his head with his glove and washed it in the waterfall. I raised an eyebrow and he pointed up.

"Someone killed all the chickens. Just left those raw chicken breasts laying about. Up in the Divine Pen."

"Any witnesses?"

"No."

We both let out a sigh as we looked around and found nothing but, a mess. I asked my next question.

"Any experience trails?"

Stu lit a yellow looking cigarette. "Too many chickens were killed to get a reliable read. It'll take us weeks to figure out whether or not the experience came from the chickens or from him, and by that point-"

"It'll be too late. Damn." I looked around again and then resigned myself to see the club.

We went up the waterfall to see the club. The "Divine Pen" wasn't looking so divine. Frankly it looked like a Wrecking Mob had come through the place. It was even more of a mess than the first two levels. The place was filled with blood. The chickens rotting on the floor, bobbing up and down. The chickens had been chopped up furiously and with vigor. The case already looked hopeless, someone had been thorough, too thorough. I was now convinced the colonel was dead.

Stu walked around, his iron stomach being not even phased by the carnage of the chickens as he munched on his banana. I was disgusted but, I kept looking just in case. I had to craft a case, and this particular one was making me ask "How do I craft this again?" The Divine Pen seemed to be relatively empty besides the blood, with the exception of a wooden bowl on the side counter. Probably just a meal someone left over at the night shift but, you can never be too sure. I looked at the bowl and saw a bobbing red object. It looked strange, almost... that's it! It looked suspicious. Suspicious Stew! Finally a clue. I felt like a kid and it was Minecraft Christmastime morning. I contained my excitement as I took a sample, there was only one crowd that sold this kind of nasty stuff. I knew someone who use to be in the trade. The problem was, the only people in the suspicious stew trade were an equally nasty bunch.

Witches.

End of Chapter 2.

Chapter 3- Witches be Shoppin'

The guy I was looking for in question lived in what he liked to call his "Summer Home". The home in question was this weird glass greenhouse that got super hot in the summer, which used to be a sort of stealthy way to make Suspicious Stew. Never knew how the guy I questioned stood it but, then again, he was a witch. I knocked on the wooden door and the thing practically fell over.

"Hey Pop, I know you're in there." I said from the door. I could see him in the house because it was made of glass and yet he still tried to hide when he heard my voice.

Nervously, I heard a "Ah, King Kum, is that you?"

"Yeah Pop, it's me. Now why you trying to hide in a glass house?"

He stood up and looked around like he suddenly remembered where he was. He sighed and looked at the door and shuffled himself over. He looked at me and his skin had just a hint of red on the eyes.

"Look man, whatever you want I can't help you."

"You been in the stew again Pop?"

"No idea what you're talking about Kum. No idea what you're talking about."

His place was a mess. Alchemy equipment, different roots, a desk, a chest and a green bed were all in tatters. Random items were just floating around the room. His crafting table was just in the center of the room.

"Look, you know I'm not the cops, you can tell me whatever it is" I cooed gently.

This set him off. "I told you! I don't know a god damn thing! Get out Kum!"

I showed him the stew sample I had. His eyes went wide and he cowered a little once I showed it to him.

"Look Kum, man, I don't know what's going on okay? I don't know what's in that I swear." he begged.

I swish the contents of the bag around. The mushroom and flower like ingredients swooshed themselves around the plastic container.

"Pop, you telling me you don't know where this came from? If I bring this to the lab the police went know it was you?"

Pop9090 cowered some more. He was looking around frantically. He was scared but, not of me. Something else had him bugged out. It was obvious he was connected. My hunch had paid off. Still, I felt bad for the guy. His riddler skin was tattered, his hat in ruins. Wait... he didn't want to do this. Somebody pulled a favor. Now he's thinking he's going back to jail for something he didn't mean to do. Somebody forced him back on the stew and he was having dollops of it shoved down his throat. This wasn't normal stew though, this was suspicious.

I said, "Pop, I'm sorry. I won't tell anyone. Just tell me who did this to you. I'll take care of everything. I promise I'll help you Pop. Don't worry."

He whimpered and looked at me and squeaked out a "Okay... okay Kum. Look, I don't know who they are. I swear. They come from the... the... the..."

"The what? Pop?" I asked carefully,

"...the Nether"

End of Chapter 3

Chapter 4- An Ore that is so shiny, will always motivate me (Reference to GOLD- Top Minecraft Songs)

It wasn't easy to get to the Nether. That place was crawling with the biggest scumbags imaginable. Everywhere you went someone was trying to grief you, or worse. The place flowed with lava and you just couldn't find anywhere to get a damn drink. The whole place always smelled of fire and brimstone and I tried to avoid it as much as I possibly could. I knew one thing though, in the Nether, only one thing did the talking. Gold. So I decided it was time I called in on an old favor.

The player I decided to find was one EaglexEyes. I'd saved his butt from a bad crew of Skeletons down at the Sin Bin one time who were collecting in on an old witch's brew. The guy was loaded but, the scumbag simply said "I owe you!" and walked off. The man didn't even have the courtesy to throw a few bucks my way. EaglexEyes was the servers chief engineer. If anyone had a mine for gold, it was him. I wasn't going to ask for anything too fancy, just some golden boots. He lived in a Skyscraper made of stone bricks and wooden plank floors as well as his many, many villager assistants. The place was a ziggurat of its own, reaching sky box easily and also being one of the most efficient tools of trade on the server.

After sneaking past a couple of the villager guards, I made my way up the ladder of the place, moving past whirring piston machines and redstone coding blocks. As I made my way up to the head office I straightened my tie and walked straight for the office without stopping, as if I owned the damn place. After stepping on the pressure plate before the door I was starting to feel like a real wrecking mob.

I walked in and the man himself, EaglexEyes was sitting behind his desk, smoking a blaze rod. He had his block legs up on a wooden crafting bench while he was leaned back in a chair made of gold. He looked at me with the kind of smug grin that only people born with money give you when you stumble into a place you don't belong. I wasn't expecting this kind of bravado.

"Sit, Kum" he says, tipping a nice fedora at me and gesturing to the seat across from him.

I take it warily, reading his face for any kind of clue of what he's up to. He seems pleased with himself, though I have no idea why.

"What can I do for you Kum?" he says before I have time to think.

"You're awfully cocky for someone who nearly got skewered by a couple of skeleton jockeys".

"Yeah, well, things have changed since then. I'm sure you've noticed". He replied, gesturing vaguely at everything.

"Yes I'm very impressed. Sorry, I don't remember telling anyone I was coming here. How did you know?"

He leaned back in his golden throne and finished smoking that damn blaze rod of his. He got another one out of the package, flicked it into his mouth and looked at me.

"You want one?" He said as he gestured the blaze rod towards me.

"Sorry, can't. Trying to quit". That made him chortle. He lit the rod with his flint and steel and took a deep breath in and then out. The smoke he breathed out made a nice display on the ceiling. These were heavy rods, and two back to back was unusual, even for him. His face was strained. Something wasn't right.

"I imagine you're here to ask for that favor of yours. Saving me from those bone-heads or whatever."

"Yeah, that's why I'm here." I replied. I still didn't know how he know but, I was more focused on the single bead of sweat heading down his forehead. He wiped it away without me being able to comment on it and looked down.

"Look Kum, I'm gonna be real with you. You really did me a favor back at the sin bin. You saved my ass and I've been thankful ever since. I'd hate to try and grab my stuff from there." He said as he finished choking down the second blaze rod.

"I'm sensing a but."

"But! What I really want to do is do you a solid favor. I make more emeralds here in a day than you'll ever see in your lifetime. I want you to know something Kum. I can help you. I can put you on a salary position. You wouldn't even have to do much! You'd have emeralds for days Kum. Forget this detective bullshit. Come work for a real company. I could uh get you to do security or something I don't know." He paused for a minute and looked off into the room. He looked sad, defeated.

"Then you already know what I want Eag-"

"Yes I know! You want to go to the damned Nether! Fire and brimstone! Piglins around every corner! The damn place I get these stupid Blaze Rods from! You know what I say Kum? I say screw the nether!" He picked the blaze rod package out of his pocket and threw it across the room. The blaze rods shattered against the wall. The other office villagers looked in dismay and he waved them down. He was shaking at this point.

"What's got you so spooked EaglexEyes? What's the big deal? I've been to the Nether before."

"Not like this you haven't. If you're going to get to the end of this Kum it's going to be bad. You're going to regret it. Stay out of it Kum. Let me help you. Never go near that place!"

I slammed my fist on the table, nearly hard enough to break the block.

"Enough Eagle! You know me! I never let a case die. Tell me how to get to the nether xEyes! Or tell me what's got you so spooked!"

He was shocked at my anger. He collected himself for a second and grabbed another pack of blaze rods from his desk. His hands kept shaking and he could barely light the rod once it graced his mouth. He lit it and all the tension went from his body.

"Alright Kum I know a guy. I'll help you. His name is Carterthirtyone. He lives in that nice little wooden house by the pasture. Talk to him. Tell him "The Minecart Keeps Rolling North"; he'll know what it means. Don't fuck up that saying or else okay?"

I was already picking up my hat and leaving. I pressed the button and was starting to walk out, having all the villagers gawking at me as I left the building. All I heard from EaglexEyes behind me was something that haunted me later on.

"It's not too late Kum! You're making a big mistake! You're not ready for that kind of realm! No one is!"

I couldn't possibly know how right he'd be.

End of Chapter 4

Chapter 5- 500 Chunks.

I followed my map to a small house out in the country. It was a nice wooden house with a small farm near it. It had glass windows a nice little fence around it and some nice flowers for decor. I walked up to the gate just in time for a man to walk out from behind the house, opening a back gate and coming into the front yard. He had a charlie sheen from 250% men skin on and he was casually harvesting the crops. I noticed in shock that the man was holding a diamond hoe. I was told not to craft those, as they were useless. You didn't get that kind of money just working on a small farm. And that skin... I'm all for Chuck Lorre shows but, I had a feeling the laugh track would soon be directed at me. I looked him up and down and stood there like a fool waiting for him to notice me. Finally I just gulped and said what I was told to say:

"The Minecart Keeps Rolling North".

The man stopped for a minute, then finished up the last crop while shaking his head. He turned to me and slowly walked over.

I said, "Carter thirty-one I presume?"

I was starting to wonder if this guy had seen me coming to, the way eagle did. Was this all connected? Had someone let them in on what I was doing? Why was this case so important? And why did I have such a bad feeling in my blocks?

"You'd presume right Detective." He replied.

Damn it. So he did know about me.

"How did you know I was a detective?" I asked, playing dumb.

"Nobody wears a coat and hat like that anymore. No one besides detectives who think they can stick their noses in things."

Maybe I was in the clear. I tried to not look too relieved by what he said as I replied,

"I heard you can get me into the Nether."

He let out a "hmmph" and opened the gate. Then he started to saunter towards the house. He walked up his sets with such free care. He did not even flinch when I said the Nether. This guy must be a professional. I'd only been to the Nether once, I worked there as part of a factory job when I was younger. Put me off mining jobs. That job was strange though, regardless of how much gold and quartz we found the foreman was always looking for something else. As Carter-ThirtyOne opened the door he looked back at me and raised an eyebrow.

"You coming detective?" he asked.

I was so lost in my thoughts I'd almost forgotten what I'd come for.

"Yeah, sorry." I stumbled over my words quickly and caught up to him at the house.

Inside of his house were nice rugs. Again, a little nice for such a small house. Who did this guy work for? And where could I sign up? He led me into his library, pressed a pressure plate on the floor and a section of the wall opened up to that same sulphuric smell that was always in my head from my factory job. The Nether. The place was built using netherwrack, a truly ghastly material. I remember mining loads of it. No one really knew why people went into the Nether, other than to get products like blaze rods and such. The portal sat in the middle of the room. I walked in with him and the dizzy effect played that sent me into a whole other world. I was transported to the Nether and around me I saw a standard Nether panic shelter. A little processing place before going into an immediate location. Carter-ThirtyOne turned around and handed me a minecart.

"You'll need this" he said.

He gestured me to follow him and opened a door made with a type of wood I didn't recognize. Before me was a minecart track. I figured it would be a short ride. Boy, was I wrong. We put our minecarts down and powered rails shot us forward. I was right behind Carter-ThirtyOne as we traversed the rail. The railway was tremendously long. We passed by lit corridor after lit corridor in this maze of rails. Occasionally holes in the rails would open up enough for me to see light through. The light would shine in on me and I'd get a glimpse of the Nether. Ghasts, Piglins, Magma Slimes, Skeletons, Endermen. All of them seemed to ignore this tunnel. We kept shooting past post after post.

"How far does this take us?" I yelled.

"Farther than you've ever gone Detective." He replied. "The Nether is 1/10th the size of the normal realm. You, my friend, are on a hyper space railway to a different land".

I was blown away. If the Nether was 1/10th the size than that must mean we'd travelled thousands of blocks, perhaps millions. I was starting to think I'd gotten a little too deep into something a little too big for my paygrade. I turned to look at Carter-ThirtyOne but, as I turned my head I saw a dark red bricked building and I swear I saw the form of a beautiful block woman. Wait, was that Jebbie? I couldn't tell as we shot past but, it made me feel uneasy. We finally arrived at our destination.

"Carter Thirty-One, I appreciate the joyride but, I was actually hear to ask you a bunch of questions." I said, getting off the minecart. "If you wouldn't mind, of course."

"All will be revealed in time Detective. Come through the portal." He gestured to a portal laying in the middle of the room.

We went through it again and I was beginning to get dizzy. We entered a hot environment, somewhere that felt like it was on the complete opposite side of the world. It was dry and I was starting to wish I was dressed more like Carter-ThirtyOne. We exited and came upon a desert. As I came out of the portal I looked to my side and I saw it. It was massive. Gigantic didn't even begin to describe it. It was fantastically large, every brick placed to make a gargantuan rectangular prism. It was all sandstone and sandstone related blocks. It reached height limit and it was magnificent.

"Wha- Who did this?" I said, aghast.

"I did." Carter Thirty-One replied matter of factly.

"What? How? That's impossible. This would have taken-"

"Decades to build? I know. Would you believe me if I told you it took me one work week?"

I sat there dumbfounded, my mouth agape at his words. I composed myself and brought myself back to reality.

"Carter, I appreciate you bringing me here and what you have done is incredibly impressive but-"

"How do you think I did it detective?" he said, cutting me off.

"I think... a machine. Some sort of sandstone generator? Mass produced to a gigantic scale?" I guessed.

"Smart. But... lacking... imagination. I didn't bring you here to help you with your case detective. I came here to show you that there's a lot more to this world than you know, and this one block hole gets deeper and deeper the more you go in. So yeah, I'll answer your questions. But, I've got one thing to ask first, you gonna risk mining down and falling into lava?" He talked with a smug expression on his face, as if he knew my answer.

"Yes, I am."

"Alright, then ask away".

Chapter 6- Screw the Nether-

Carter Thirty-One was no help at all. With all his flashy contraptions and build-making I'd completely lost sight of the case. I talked to him and despite my interrogation he genuinely seemed like he hadn't even heard the name Pop9090. He knew nothing about suspicious stew and he told me he only worked as a laborer in the construction of the Bucket. Basically he was a dead end. Which meant that I needed to find ANOTHER lead tied to the Nether. The one thing he said was that I could his Nether portal whenever I needed. Mighty generous of him but, I didn't really understand why. What did he want me to find in the Nether? What did he know? Was he helping me so I wouldn't suspect him? Even if he was a prime suspect, I still didn't have any evidence on him.

Still, that left me with no leads and a long minecart ride back to Tahiti. I didn't like hitting a dead end but, hitting dead ends was a part of any good case, and I hadn't had a good case in years. Sitting on the minecart track, I heard the cart moving across the rails. I was looking outside and then it hit me. That woman I saw through the tunnel. It was a hunch but, dead ends got broken down by hunches, and any good detective worth his blocks leaves no stone unturned. I got to the place I figured it was and got off the cart. After punching it a bunch I grabbed it and squeezed my way through the tunnel. I moved across a netherwrack cliff's wall. I felt kind of silly doing that, considering that I was faced with the wide open Nether. Outside there was an ocean of lava, with lava streams falling into it from above. Where that lava went I didn't want to know. As I moved across the wall to where I saw the woman I looked to the side and found a huge fortress made of red bricks. It was some kind of Nether... Fortress.

I walked in and crouched. Some blazes were floating overhead so I ducked behind a destroyed wall. I sneaked into the fortress and down some stairs. I didn't know what I was doing but, I felt like this was important. As I walked down the stairs someone must have heard me because I heard shouting.

"Help! Someone help me!" They yelled.

"Shhhh!!!" I shushed. "Who are you?" I whispered. I turned the corner and saw the man. It looked like an old white man with a long white beard.

"Colonel? Is that you?" I asked.

"Yes! Oh my god! Please help me, I'll give you anything!" The Colonel said.

"Shh. Colonel. I'm here to help you but, you have to be very quiet" I said.

"Okay... just please help me...." he whimpered on the ground.

As any expert detective would do, I checked for traps in the dark red bricked hallway. Lo and behold I found one just before his cage. A classic piston pull away to a sand block falling into lava. I quickly disarmed the trap and walked over to the cage where YoloSwagDaddy69 was and went to open the cage when I stepped on a different pressure plate and pistons moved to place iron bars around me.

"Shit". I said. I looked at YoloSwagDaddy69. "Sorry Colonel."

"Oh it's you who will be sorry Detective". I heard a woman's voice from behind me.

"Jebbie."

"Hello Kum, I'm afraid you've mined too deep".

Chapter 7- A Bone to Pick

The bags came off our heads as we sat in the dark red bricked rooms. The colonel looked at me in fear as I tried to keep a cool complexion. Jebbie stood in front of us with two skeleton guards. Except the skeleton guards weren't carrying bows, they were carrying stone swords and they had grey skin. Jebbie looked amazing as usual which distracted me for a second from the fact that she was trying to kill me. Oh right. She's trying to kill me. Why?

"Why are you doing this Jebbie? Didn't you hire me for this case?" I asked.

"I work for someone a little... higher up Detective. You weren't supposed to find the Colonel, you were supposed to have the trail run cold and then come back with your tail behind your legs. Once you couldn't figure it out, everyone would disgrace you and then the case would run cold." Jebbie said.

I thought for a second. "Yet, you knew I was a good detective. So you needed me sabotaged. Why would you need a washed up detective sabotaged?"

Jebbie smiled. "So you are a good detective. I'm afraid you'll never find that out King Kum".

She laughed and walked out of the room as the two skeletons with swords followed her out. The back and sides of the rooms ceiling opened up and lava spewed out. Me and the Colonel were tied up to a post in the middle of the room. We didn't have much time to escape. The room was filling with lava and my ears were filling with a desperate Colonels final screams. That's it! The Colonel. The man himself. What did they always say about him? He was the man with chicken. I walked over to the Colonel and bashed him with my foot.

"Shut up Colonel! You're a war vet! Or... your skin is at least. Think clearly! We can get out of this! Do you have any chicken?"

"Ahh ah uh? Chicken?" the Colonel stammered.

"Yes! Chicken! Cluck cluck Colonel! The chicken you sell!!!!" I yelled at him.

"Yes, yes! I have chicken I'm sorry!" he cried as he dropped 3 cooked chicken on the ground.

"Get chewing Colonel!" I yelled at him as the lava closed in.

"What?"

"GET CHEWING COLONEL! THAT'S AN ORDER". I screamed and then chomped down on some chicken.

After eating the chicken I grabbed out the chicken bones with my teeth. I showed the colonel how to break them with his mouth and then showed him how to cut the rope with the broken bones. We managed to cut the rope and then untied each other's ropes. The lava was all around us now and it was only a matter of time before we were as cooked as that chicken. Thinking fast, I grabbed the fencepost and stuck it onto the roof. Then I took the lure and tied us both to it again and swung us over the lava and to the door. As we swung the lure snapped and we landed face first onto the other side of the lava onto the red bricks.

"We did it! I'm alive!" the Colonel yelled.

"Come on Colonel. Let's get you out of here." I said.

I was feeling pretty good from evading a burning death but, little did I know I'd be waking up in a whole new kind of hell.

Chapter 8-

Weeks went by and the Colonel made sure I was paid handsomely with emeralds. The case was closed, I'd technically found the Colonel, saved his life, and gotten the money. My name was front page news and I was able to pay my rent and buy the good dog food for my wolf. The Colonel also generously provided me a lifetime supply of chicken. Yet, there were still questions on my mind. How did Carter Thirty-One build those structures that big? What was I missing? Before I could finish my thought I got a phone call. I picked it up and heard a scraggly voice through the phone.

"Hey King... you gotta help me... they found out man" The voice whispered.

"Pop! Why are you whispering? What's happening?" I said as I heard an arrow whizz past the phone and have the phone drop to the floor.

"Pop! Pop!" I screamed. I grabbed my crossbow and ran out of there as fast as I could.

Running through the village I desperately made my way to Pop's summer home. The glass house was barely recognizable in the dark. As I got close I thought I saw something floating in the house.

"No no no no no" I cried as I ran to the house.

I opened the birch door and walked into the house. Automatically in the dark I picked up a bunch of bowls of suspicious stew, a nametag that says "Pop9090" and a block of a sea block I didn't recognize. Pop was dead. I got complacent. I let the case run cold and I put Pop in the crosshairs. Stupid. Sometimes when you run a case arrows fly into targets you never expect. I would avenge Pop. No matter what.

I looked at the block and realized it was near the sea. I went to my wolf and had him sniff the block and he set out in a direction I didn't recognize. We must have walked 500 chunks and we must have walked 500 more. When I finally made it to the location 4 days had passed.

I was moving through a jungle when I found the beach. My wolf stopped for a second and I told him to sit. I saw an ocean temple being excavated. The way they were doing it too, I could have sworn the laborers were... flying? No. Couldn't be. Must be some sort of strange machination. I scanned the horizon and saw Jebbie. Got her. I waited for about an hour till she walked towards the jungle, assumedly to grab some wood. As she walked forward I grabbed her and brought her into the jungle.

"Don't move Jebbie, otherwise you'll get a crossbow bolt through the chest" I said.

I brought her further into the jungle and gestured her to sit on the log, aiming my crossbow at her all the way. I looked her dead in the eye and thought for a second about what I'd say to her.

"The operation is over Jebbie. I know you killed Pop. He was here at the underwater temple. I'm bringing you in. The Colonel can serve as witness. You're going to be spending the rest of your days in the loneliest bedrock cell alive" I warned.

She laughed. "You've got me. I did kill Pop. Or at least, I hired the hit. Sure you can bring the police here but, by the time they get here the construction will already be complete and another ziggurat will be done."

I raised an eyebrow. "What are you talking about? Ziggurats? Building stuff? All I care about is the case. You've been sloppy Jebbie." I showed the ocean block. "I knew this would lead me to you."

"How do you know I didn't want you to find me? After solving the case I gave you I realized you were worthy." She said in a soft, velvet tone.

"Worthy? Of what?" I was confused.

She looked at me and leaned forward, close enough that the tip of my crossbow bolt was near her tongue. She licked the tip of the bolt and said.

"Tell you what Kum, you have two options. One-" She pointed to a wristwatch she had that had a painting display of a TNT block. Suddenly I felt in danger but, then I realized it wasn't for me. "If you arrest me I set this off, you'll have time to get away but, I will die in the explosion. You'll get your revenge."

"And?"

"And two... I give you these" she pulled out a bunch of green eye like objects. "And you see just how deep this mine goes. If you choose the first, you'll never know what any of this was."

I sat there for a while. On the one hand, avenging Pop was my job but, she was right. She had me dead to rights. I needed to know what was going on. There was too many loose ends. The flying, the giant ziggurats, the secrecy, the industry. Why? I remember when this server was about building the nicest house. I'd go the rest of my days with a sinking feeling that something around me was wrong, terribly wrong. The world was so much bigger than I realized, and I needed to know what coordinates I was at.

"Fine. Give me the eyes but, I will find you and bring you to justice." I said.

"Oh I'm sure you will King Kum. In fact, I'm counting on it."

What did she mean by that? I wondered as she walked away. And just where were these eyes going to take me?

End of Chapter 8.

Chapter 9- All I do is Dig

I followed the floating eyes deep into the jungle. The eyes kept bringing me further and further into the trees. I could feel myself getting closer and closer to a truth that I couldn't see. There was something reaching at the inner code of my mind. The blocks around me seemed unnatural, the item I was following was a hand bringing me ever closer to madness. Nothing made sense. As I moved into the jungle I saw more of the similar structures. Random ziggurats built randomly around. You can't even see the ziggurats from that far away! Who were these built for and for what purpose? I had to know. Even though I wanted to run away, even though every block in my avatar wanted to sprint away and eat cooked chicken for the rest of my life, I knew I couldn't. I knew there was something I needed to know. I just didn't want to know it.

I came upon a clearing after I don't know how many days. I watched as the blocky sun was replaced by the blocky moon, as my mind faded from days, as phantoms assaulted my wretched form. Only after I was on half a heart did the eyes head down. Only down, deep into the ground. What did they see deep down there that I didn't? What did those wretched eyes know? I realized I hadn't brought a shovel and I cursed myself. That's when a small yellow man in overalls came out.

"Banana, my name is Stu. Please come into my hut and I will provide you what you need, if you listen to me."

I looked up in surprise, and decided to follow him. I looked rugged and haggard but, he welcomed me in anyways. He sat down and offered me some stew. I drank it without thinking before I realized my mistake. I should have been suspicious about the stew.

"Follow my voice Banana, focus on the Banana" he said as I drifted away.

What followed next didn't seem real. The small dirt hut before me transformed into a gigantic cathedral from which I was shot forth through a stained glass window into the outer realms of my wildest dreams. As I shifted through realities all I could see around me was pink and purple mist and brilliant rainbow colored lights flashing in and out of my mind. Greens and Blues and the brightest whites you'd ever see were shifting constantly in this extra-dimensional tunnel I was hurtling in. I saw portals open up in this corridor, to realms unknown to me. Realms far beyond my normal servers reaches. I saw ziggurats higher than I thought possible, I saw realities where mobs I'd never seen before roamed freely, I saw realms with flying machines, I saw realms where temperature affected you, I saw realms where every thing imaginable existed. I saw myself in those portals, solving cases, getting closer. Closer. Closer. To what? What was I seeing? I screamed out into the ever-changing colors.

"Where am I??? What is this place??? Where do I go???" my voice echoed through the chamber.

I looked down at my hand and saw it for what it really was, a blocky hand and pixels. I was suddenly very aware of an inventory, I could see how long I'd been in the "game". What was the game? How did one play it? I had to know. I had to know. I had to know. I had to win the game. The game. The game. The game. Game. Game. Game. Game. Game. Game. Game. Game. Game. GAME. THE GAME I'M IN.

Then I saw it. A realm with other realms, gates to infinite realms, infinite servers. There was a god. There were so many gods. There seemed to be infinite gods. What world would they create next? When would this world get deleted? Who cared about a detective's programming? What was the end goal? I couldn't see the end of the blocks because I too was a block. A grass block in the infinite cosmos of time and space. A single tree in a forest of infinite possibilities. A raindrop in a thunderstorm batting against a raging sea. How do I win the game?

I blacked out.

Chapter 10- The End

I came to in a strange fortress. I had nothing on me, not even my crossbow. It felt like years since I'd been a detective. The only thing I had on me was the detective skin on my back. I looked up to see a beckoning portal. The eyes that had led me here were placed all around it and only a black void presented itself to me. Was this death? There was only one way to find out. I went to The End of all things. The End of King Kum.

Stepping through the portal I landed on an obsidian island. A large bridge had been built to the center island and around me I could see only work. Several people were floating around The End, building. Huge obsidian towers, ziggurats of all shapes and sizes everywhere, constantly. I saw Pop9090 floating there. He looked at me but, all I saw was a ghost. I walked to the center of the island, his gaze haunting me. In the center of the island, sitting on a dragon's corpse was a man with a skin with brown clothes and an agape mouth.

"Welcome, follower, to my domain" he said in a booming voice.

"Hello" I said as calmly as I could. "Why did you bring me here?"

"You are one of many. You follow and then you build and then no matter what you do you increase the game." the figure said.

"What is the game?"

"The game is all around you. Every subscription, every building, every block placed feeds me. Every click of a mouse puts a... Notch in my purse. I'm assuming you know my name?"

"Notch, yes, clever. I don't know why but, I've been trying to forget you all this time. Now I see you are the true god of this realm, and of all other realms. It all gets paid to you. Every creative impulse. Every act of good feeds into your evil." I accused.

He laughed. "You are perceptive detective. Now you shall join the rest of your companions and build for me forever more."

I sighed. "Absolutely, your magnificence. However I have one final request, if you may grant such a humble one".

He pursed his lips. "I suppose I could consider it."

I took in a breath. "All around you are those that have built up everything they could. They're imaginations have gone wild building every conceivable building, mod, server possible. People spend hours and hours creating everything that was ever dear to them. People put heart and soul into this game. And it is a game. A game to be played, to create, to..."

"Yes?" He said.

"To play god."

With those words the other players turned to look at me. Notch looked nervous.

"It's true! You all put so much care into this game! You take and you create and you love everything you do! Are you not gods? Are you not much more gods than He? He who has sat on a fortune and gotten other people to do the work? What about Jebbie Notch? Between you and her, who is the god?"

The players turned to look at me, and then at Notch. Slowly they descended towards him.

He stammered, "Wha- I mean... of course I'm god. I am the creator! The true ruler of all!"

The players flew towards him and before I could say anything else, they started punching him like a tree. Punching him over and over again, hurting him again and again. His health dropped faster than he could regenerate and he screamed as the players turned against him.

"Good work Detective" Jebbie proclaimed as she walked in behind me. "Would you like to stay here Detective? With us? With me?"

"No doll, I got bigger fish to fry, and now I've gotta do some of that building everyone has talked so much about. It's time to craft something new for myself in some other mine." I said as I shrugged off her question.

"Of course Detective, I understand. Be free King Kum. Oh, and-" she looked at me with wide eyes. "Don't be a stranger" she laughed as I walked away.

NOTCH REMOVED FROM MINECRAFT

The End.