Episode 3: Flathead's Revenge

This gripping story starts with the Ripping Friends enjoyed a little bit of their usual depravity. As they ride around in a preposterously large truck, they stop at a storefront featuring a large neon sign reading: "Get a Big Dick Heer" [sic]. They stop and tell an unnamed polish man walking out of a store helpfully that if he wants a big dick like them, he just has to put his dick under a hydraulic press. The man does so in a cartoonishly quick fashion, crushing his dick flat amidst his blood-curdling screams and the laughter of the Friends.

And so flathead is born. For some reason, he blames his utter idiocy on the Ripping Friends and swears vengeance.

He manages to use his flat dick to hack into a nuclear reactor in Quebec. He holds it hostage, vowing that unless the Ripping Friends also crush their dicks in hydraulic presses, he'll detonate the reactor and "Blow the whole cum-dump to the moon and back." Critics are still divided as to just what this means, but it appears to signal some sort of violent intent.

The Ripping Friends are too busy laughing (still) to do anything about the threat. Their laughter infuriates "Flatcock," as they call him, who hits a large red button, which begins leaking radiation at dangerous rates. The Ripping Friends, to insult the pitiful flat fuck further, use their impressive and disproportionately large cocks (and balls) to elevate Quebec out of the Earth's atmosphere, and into space where the radiation can harm nobody except the Quebecois. Then Rip tells Flathead that the reason they all have huge dicks is because of their exposure to radiation. He then adds that the most radiation can be given to you in the center of a nuclear blast. Flathead then "overloads the reactor," whatever this means, in the hope of making his dick bigger and dies in a nuclear explosion. A diagram usefully demonstrates that the blast is four-thousand times larger than the Tsar Bomba nuclear test. Pitifully, Flathead's and his flat dick flatten under the force of the reactor, and he dies pitifully.

The Ripping Friends finish laughing and save Quebec. They shake it around to get the radiation off of it, and then delicately throw it back into Canada for some stupid fucking reason.