Episode 16: Lip Dinner

Lip Dinner- It's sophisticated, evocative. Smoker? No, no; that is a disgusting habit. But Lip Dinner, well, that is a different story. Nothing quite beats the sweet sweet burn of a pinch of Wintergreen hitting the inside of those sweet, luscious lips. And nobody knows the power and sophistication of Lip Dinner like Rip.

RIPCOT, a Tuesday morning. The Ripping Friends are about to head outside for their morning cigarette, when Rip uncovers that he is all out of his favourite smoke: Quebec Classics; how could it be? "Well friends, I have to head down to the corner store to pick up a pack of smokes, I'll be back later" Says Rip.

Rip enters his favourite corner store, the Mac's and walks up to the counter. "I'll take a pack of Quebec Classics" says Rip. The cashier has a frown on his face. "I'm sorry sir, but we are all out of Quebec Classics" Rip would never consider smoking any other kind of smoke and makes his point clear. As an alternative, the cashier suggests a fresh tin of Wintergreen. Rip being the daring man he is, takes him up on this offer.

Stepping outside, Rip is initially confused on how the idea of chewing tobacco works. Eventually, he opens the tin, grabs a pinch and puts it in his lower lip. BANG. As soon as the flavour of the wintergreen hits his taste buds, tied with the nicotine rush, gives Rip instant euphoria. The feeling is so strong, Rip almost cums in his pants. Little did Rip know, this Euphoria would soon become the bane of his existence.

Fast forward a few months, Rip's Lip Dinner usage has exacerbated. Rip can barely complete a daily task without his Lip Dinner. Slab (who I must make clear, is uncircumcised.) and Crag notice, and make a point of letting Rip know that his Lip Dinner usage has become a problem. Rip brushes it off like it is nothing, for who dare question Rip of the Ripping Friends? (editor's note: he's right you know)

It all comes to a tee when Rip picks up his regular tin of wintergreen, and puts a pinch in. In an attempt to sabotage Rip, somebody has laced the tin with LSD. Rip is immediately thrown into a rapid and violent trip where he is being attacked by a tin of wintergreen (it's actually a garbage bin.) Rip being the manly man he is, rips the tin in half, and comes down from his trip. Through this trip, Rip realizes how much of a problem his rampant Lip Dinner and nicotine addiction has caused, and decides to swear off nicotine all together. (Let me tell you, many a thing was ripped.)

What a shit show.